Sunday, the Kardashian sisters brought us boring birthday drama. On Presidents Day, we were treated to ANOTHER new episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York, which means two nights in a row of scripted “dramedy.”

How lucky are we? Our founding fathers reached out to us from beyond the grave cheering: “Behold, the American dream. For she who invests time and money in black eye shadow and bandage dresses will prosper.”